Unfortunately, I also speak in stream of consciousness, can sometimes be a "loud talker," make bad jokes, and probably frequently interrupt people.
You see, the grace portion of development somehow got screwed up on me.
If we were to look at the physical side of things, we could talk about how my gut frequently argues with me. It, ahem, is troubled. (we can use euphemisms, right?)
My children are perfect in my eyes. I mean- more than perfect. They're the most delicious thing that has ever been placed on a silver platter in front of me. I marvel in them.
But that being said, Scrappy has a little thing with her ears. Somehow when they were growing they missed a fold. There's some medical term for it- I can't remember. So we will decide soon whether to fix them or leave them as they are. Ok. Seems pretty minor.
And Quirky has a little dimple on his bottom. Sort of a divet at the bottom of his spine. Once caused a bit of consternation about some genetic disorder... but all ok now. Just a minor imperfection.
One of my dearest friends just found out that the sweet little baby boy growing in her belly right now probably has a heart defect. One that will cause him to live in the NICU the first few weeks of his life and he will have to have open heart surgery in the first week or so. It is frightening and worrisome. Terribly. And this wonderful mother worries that it was something she ate, some medicine that she took, some way that she thought, or some power line that she lived under. The joys of motherhood- unbelievable love and guilt.
But let me tell you what I think caused this heart defect, the dimple on my son's rear, and the funky ears on my sweet little noodle.
We are so miraculous. I can't even begin to imagine the millions of tiny little things that go on as we grow HUMAN BEINGS inside of ourselves. How come we all have toes and eyes and the ability to feel love and blink our eyes, hiccough, and kick? In order for us to freaking breathe alone there are TENS of thousands of things that have to happen as we develop. How amazing is it that so many things go right?
I have to excuse the few things that go wrong. I just do. When so many countless things go right I just have to forgive the few that don't. It makes sense that just a couple of miracles go awry when so many don't.
We probably all have some of these imperfections in the great plan that are not obvious. I don't know. Maybe I have freckles on my spleen or something. And maybe as my gut was developing some strange enzyme was missed or whatever that makes my colon hate me sometimes. All I know is that it's ok- because sooo much went right.
My new little buddy in his momma's stomach is growing perfectly- all except his tiny heart. And I have to forgive God for that. Because we all make mistakes (especially graceful old me). And there is SO MUCH RIGHT going on with this little miracle of a baby boy.
And if that's not grace, then I don't know what is.